darkness of the night

It’s harder than it seems and more worrying than I thought. To be where I am now, and to be one step closer to standing at a forked road where both roads lead into dark forests, makes me more anxious than anything else. Sometimes I just want to hide in my apartment, be messy, not clean up after myself, and stream a million movies, instead of facing the horrifying prospects. I’m not emotional or anything, but I guess I’m just acknowledging the reality of the imminent future. I have been whining and whining and whining about this for ages, I know. But all these things really do scare me just as much as having burglars and thieves in my building, so thus I whine.

There are so many other things that worry me, so many things that make me run back under my covers and hug Watson to death, but obviously I’m not going to attempt to bore you with them. But I guess the thing I want to learn from this, from me being afraid, is that there is nothing to be afraid of, nothing to worry about. God is here. God will take care of everything. God still does work for the good of those who love him.

I feel as if I keep repeating myself. I do that all the time I guess.

Loving you for eternity.

Our church signboard at broadway.
The picture has been taken from Natania .

Every time I pass by this signboard, I remember how much God loves us. I remember how no cost was spared to bring us back to him and I remember how he works for the good of those who love him.

simply to the cross i cling.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to the cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless look to Thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Savior, or I die.

-Au­gus­tus M. Top­la­dy, Rock of Ages, 1776

I really do love going to church. I love it going I go there because I enter the building unsuspecting and normally panting from the walk there, and then when service starts, when songs are sung, and when the sermon gets preached, I realise how much I need God and much more importantly how much God loves us all. And then the day just transforms from a mediocre day that started off with a sleep-in, to a day that sings and points to God.

Today, again I dragged myself out of bed after an hour sleep-in. Soaking in the sprinkles of spring, I lugged my heavy body to the little church full of the smell of lunch being made. Songs were sung, greetings made, and then the sermon started. Coincidentally enough, it was on almost the same passage of the Bible that OCF studied on friday, Hebrews 11 – 12:3. It was wonderfully enlightening listening to the passage being preached outside the parametres of OCF. Ian, our rector, talked about running the race, about preserving, and about fixing our eyes on Jesus. I know I’ll do no justice to the passage, and probably get many bits of it wrong, so I won’t even attempt to reproduce what he said. But what stuck to me was the last bit, about considering Jesus, remembering Him, and fixing our eyes on Him.

The future makes me want to pee in my pants, I have so many things to do, so many things to say, and so many uncertainties to plan for, that if I sit down and contemplate them, I might actually cry. But when I think about all that I have learnt (or all the bits I try to soak in), Psalm 73 comes into mind. The Psalmist talks about how God is always with me, how He holds my right hand and is my counsel. And reminds me that though all things might fail, and I might not end up where I want so badly to be, Jesus is my strength of my heart and my portion. Thus, though everything scares me and renders me weak and tearful, if I just stop panicking and focus on Him, though the race is long, hard, and very painful, I will be reminded that my Jesus is always with me.

Simply to the cross I cling.

control and the lack thereof

After an extraordinarily long suspension of reading the bible outside of what is required of me to, i’m starting again. I think busyness of our little club and of my uni work made me believe that what little portion I had left from my time pie wasn’t meant to be used for anything else but on myself. Unknown to me, my lack of reading the bible more was bringing me further and further away from God. But, today, I try again.

I’ve decided Habakkuk (it’s only three chapters!). I want to bite into it slowly and try to absorb every little detail, instead of my usual mass reading where the tiny snippets get lost. From what I’ve read, one of the main themes of this book is of hope, it is of trusting in God and though everything seems to be so crappy, its about knowing that God really does know what he is doing.

I guess, almost everybody knows that I had the worse few weeks of the semester run by me recently (because i complain and i complain and i complain and then i whine till my mouth gets dry) and that this was only the beginning, the worse is apparently looming right ahead. After reading a wee bit of Habakkuk, I’m still quite certain, it’s going to be another two more yucky weeks ahead of me, I doubt the workload will magically vanish. But as I go through a period of assignments, presentations, and case studies and then right into exams, I want to learn about hope and about God being in control.

HALLELUJAH! WHAT A SAVIOUR!

Man of Sorrows! what a name
For the Son of God, who came
Ruined sinners to reclaim.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Guilty, vile, and helpless we;
Spotless Lamb of God was He;
“Full atonement!” can it be?
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Lifted up was He to die;
“It is finished!” was His cry;
Now in Heav’n exalted high.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

When He comes, our glorious King,
All His ransomed home to bring,
Then anew His song we’ll sing:
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

-Phil­ip P. Bliss

I love the Easter weekend, that is, Good Friday, Saturday and Easter Sunday! I can almost hear the shout of joy that rings through the air and smell the overwhelming fragrance of victory that oozes into the streets, I cannot help but do some dancing! At the end of an extremely long half semester, to be reminded of who I’m working for and what I can look forward to, is certainly wonderfully refreshing.

I love this entire weekend because it remembers the death and resurrection of Jesus. Christmas is lovely too and I love Christmas, but Good Friday and Easter just brings it home for me. Good Friday reminds me of the extent to which Jesus went to bring me (and us) to our Father. I am of no use in this horrible horrible ordeal that Jesus went through, I just sit there and receive the profits of his act of ‘divine madness’. It is at this point in time when I realise that all I hold dear in my life, all that I consider important really pales into insignificance to the brilliance that comes with getting to know MY saviour.

This is the God that went down to hell to bring me back. This is my lord, this is my friend, and this is my saviour.
HALLELUJAH! WHAT A SAVIOUR!