control and the lack thereof

After an extraordinarily long suspension of reading the bible outside of what is required of me to, i’m starting again. I think busyness of our little club and of my uni work made me believe that what little portion I had left from my time pie wasn’t meant to be used for anything else but on myself. Unknown to me, my lack of reading the bible more was bringing me further and further away from God. But, today, I try again.

I’ve decided Habakkuk (it’s only three chapters!). I want to bite into it slowly and try to absorb every little detail, instead of my usual mass reading where the tiny snippets get lost. From what I’ve read, one of the main themes of this book is of hope, it is of trusting in God and though everything seems to be so crappy, its about knowing that God really does know what he is doing.

I guess, almost everybody knows that I had the worse few weeks of the semester run by me recently (because i complain and i complain and i complain and then i whine till my mouth gets dry) and that this was only the beginning, the worse is apparently looming right ahead. After reading a wee bit of Habakkuk, I’m still quite certain, it’s going to be another two more yucky weeks ahead of me, I doubt the workload will magically vanish. But as I go through a period of assignments, presentations, and case studies and then right into exams, I want to learn about hope and about God being in control.

thus far

somewhere in the middle of coogee and bondi, 2007
“everything is ..  crazy”.

amidst the dark rain clouds filled with turmoil, the clash of ideals banging and clanging like thunder, you stand, firm. i get swept away by the loud shiny objects and the pitter patter of raindrops that seem to spontaneously fall from the ocean blue sky. i do sometimes check to see how far the little driftwood has bobbed away from the shoreline, but then i forget and carry on my own merry way. i wish i could just grab a little metal hook and attach myself to you because you are there with your peace, you stand stout and firm, unchanging, and unmoved by circumstance.

one day, i’ll realise how foul the taste of salt water. one day, i’ll realise how much i hate seagulls. one day, i’ll realise where i ought to be, where i want to be and that i miss you. one day, i’ll paddle back.

today will be that day.